Millions of people will get the tube or bus to work today, in the doldrums because they are unhappy with life. It’s a whole new year, but you’re still returning to that same boring job and nothing has changed.
That’s exactly how I felt this time four years ago. I was living in a hostel for the homeless, down and depressed, when someone said to me ‘remember what used to make you happy, then you will know what you really want’.
My earliest childhood memories are from when I was six. My father had polio and was wheelchair bound. I remember pushing him into the garden, before collecting his pint of homemade beer from mum in the kitchen.
Then my adventure began, he would instruct me from his chair how to cut the privet hedge with dangerous shears, and push the petrol driven mower to cut our lawns. He taught me to dig my first vegetable garden and to respect all the birds, insects and trees so important to our ecosystem.
My dad died when I was twelve, I forgot the garden and went off the rails. I gave my mum hell, I’m so sorry mum. I then travelled the wrong path in life, although colourful and adventurous, my ego wanted all the wrong things. I know this now.
Three decades later, a new year had arrived, and I was desperately unhappy. I lay in bed trying to recall the days when I’d been happy. My thoughts went back to my childhood in the garden with my father.
A tingle went down my spine, I smiled and laughed. I resolved to do something about it.
That was four years ago, and I now teach gardening at Spitalfields City Farm, and run gardening clubs for school kids, homeless people and recovering addicts. I’m a fulfilled and happy man.
Tonight, think what made you happy as a child, and what you wanted to be – it’s not too late.
Paul and Scruffy
Published in The Big Issue January 2009
urban gardening from an ex-big issue vendor 
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